Thinking about Steampunk

Years ago I read William Gibson & Bruce Sterling's The Difference Engine and immediately loved the steampunk milieu. It's a work that divides fandom into those who feel that The Difference Engine is a fractured novel, and the others, like myself, who enjoyed the narrative even toward the gimmicky end. It is worth a read, twenty years later, if you've never experienced it. Since then, there have been numerous other authors who have grown the subgenre. I'm not saying that Gibson and Sterling where the first, that honor should probably go to James Blaylock, but The Difference Engine was the first steampunk novel I had ever read. And since it was written by two well-know authors at the time, it could very well be the initiator of the steampunk zeitgeist we are experiencing today.

 

This month, near its end, marked science fiction & fantasy publisher TOR's "Steampunk Month." They have a few titles available for sale at a discount and I'd like to offer my brief thoughts on the ones that I have read:

 

Freak Angels by Warren Ellis & Paul Duffield: They're a loose band of superheroes, or something akin to being more than mere mortals, and they live in an England after the world ended. It's been a free web comic for quite a while, and has recently be collected into two volumes. Well worth a read. Try out the web comic if you're hesitant or not deep into steampunk.

 

Girl Genius by Kaja and Phil Foglio: A fun-filled comic filled with mad scientists, steam mecha and a heroine not to be missed. This is a great comic. Don't miss it now that it's being collected into omnibus editions.

 

Perdido Street Station by China Mieville: A rich, atmospheric novel where the mere setting breathes with life grander and more haunting then the residents. I recommend this and all of Mieville's work.

 

The Adventures of Luther Arkwright by Bryan Talbot: Experience Victorian sensibilities in the hands of comics artist and writer Bryan Talbot and the hero Luther Arkwright in a multiverse of secret agents and villians. I love it.

 

The Anubis Gates by Tim Powers: Powers is one of my favorite authors and I don't miss any of his writings, and neither should you. Start with this one, you won't be disappointed.

 

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by Alan Moore: Moore's work is simply profound. You shouldn't pass this one up. It includes a group of fictional characters who band together to fight forces of evil and fully captures Victorian attitudes while telling a great yarn.

 

The Steampunk Trilogy by Paul Di Filippo: After I devoured The Difference Engine during my college's exam week (it was a great stress reliever), I immediately went on a search for more steampunk. The Steampunk Trilogy was what I encountered next. It's collection of three novellas and blurs the lines between fantasy and steampunk scifi. I was hooked and didn't look back.

 

Then there's also the others, the early stuff, that could be called the early-works, though great works none-the-less, like H.G. Wells' The Time Machine, and Jules Verne's Journey to the Centre of the Earth and Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea ("20,000 leaguessss! That's pretty deep, Captain!"). These books are to modern era steampunk as the New York Dolls and The Velvet Underground are to late 70s punk rock: they set the stage for the punkers like The Clash and Sex Pistols, Stiff Little Fingers and The Buzzcocks.

 

Well, enough brief reviews for now. Next time, Steampunk Games.

 

 

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

Are you a "pragmatic" author? Are you up for the Prag Pro Wri Mo challenge?

It seems that NaNoWriMo has inspired those with a technical, and pragmatic, bent to declare November "Prag Pro Wri Mo."

 

Are you a technical writer, software developer, project manager or just a "git r done" practitioner with several ounces of hacker spirit? If so, then "Prag Pro Wri Mo" just may be the writing challenge for you.

 

 

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

Anyone participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) during November? #writing

It's a rapid fire, fun-filled challenge to produce a 175-page (50,000 word) novel in the spirit of the "24-hour comic," or the "48-hour film project."

 

Are you up to the challenge?

 

Participation details are here.

 

 

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

With Story, We Face the Infinite

In the realm of mathematics Georg Cantor and Kurt Gödel faced it.  But what of creative types?  What of writers?  Is infinity part of the storyteller's world too?

I claim, with boldness, that it is.

The action of translating fleeting, ephemeral thoughts into the corporeal words of story is an act of godlike agency.  For when the writer is faced with the expanse of infinite possibilities of potential stories, it's then that the creative forces imbued in the Vulcan furnaces of the storyteller's mind dance in a revelry of celebration.

Story creation permits the writer a glimpse at the expanse of infinity.  It represents possibilities, and we are a band of thieves on a quest lead by Prometheus to bring the jewels of great story to the written page, the spoken word, the cinema's screen.

The infinite ravelment is woven into the stories we create.  Give two storytellers the same ingredients and out will come two very different stories.  The infinite is universal, the stories we create are how we instantiate it.  Alone against the infinite expanse, we choose the possibilities and share it with the world in the form of story.

Face infinity and create story! 

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

Why I Write #writing

Why I write.

The short answer is quite simple:

I have no choice.

But that's not the answer you're looking for.  The long answer, since you asked, is complex, but not complicated.

I write because writing allows me to make sense of the world, of this existence.  Writing is the one act that permits me the freedom to tell you my thoughts about the human condition, but more importantly, it allows me to tell "me" my thoughts about the human condition.  I, like the rest of us, have a curious mind.  I wonder why it is we are here.  What is our purpose?  What is the extent of our existence?  And how best can we learn to live together with each other and with the other elements of the natural world.

If there's one thing we can count on, it's that life is full of constant change.  I'm fine with the fact that everything is in constant flux.  Growing up, I had the opportunity to call numerous places home.  I had to learn to make new friends and understand the process of friendship.  I don't claim to be an expert at it, hell, to this day I consider myself a novice with regard to relationships.

This world, the only one we have, has existed long before us.  And it will probably exist long after we are gone.  Even with all our technological wonder, all our advances in medicine, all our knowledge of natural phenomena, we still continue to marvel at the mystery that the world presents to us.  There's so much we don't know, and it's out there for us to discover.  We all wish to understand this world.  To make sense of the joy and wickedness we experience, to live out our lives to their fullest.

Since the dawn of our existence, storytellers have been among us.  Our stories once existed in the oracular tradition, and yet, today with multimedia stories, we still seek the same answers to our questions.  The fundamental questions.  The questions that get us closer to the answers we all seek.

I'm no different than you and seek the answers you want too.  I want to make sense of the world, of our existence.  For me, the way to do it is through expressing myself freely.  Free expression is an inherent characteristic of humanity.  We are all born with sucking, grasping and a desire to express our individuality.  Our will.  How we choose to do it is up to us.  But the desire serves that same purpose.  It's a mechanism for us to make sense of the world.

I choose to do it in writing.  Whether I had an audience or not, I'd still write.  I've also painted before, and I still take pictures.  But primarily I write.  It is my personal mechanism for gathering the troops and taking on the mysteries of existence.  Why do we love?  What are the  many facets of love?  Why do we hate?  Why envy?  I'm interested in these questions, and numerous more.  I'm interested in the infinite ways that we respond to these questions.  Why one individual's answers are distinct, and diametrically opposed to another individual's answers.  Even maternal twins, individuals with exact copies of one another's DNA, are different.  Encountering different viewpoints, encountering answers that  surprise us, that scare us, and are different from our answers can help us figure out our individual answers.  For, we may not agree, but through my interaction with you, I may strengthen my answers, or I may be convinced that my answer was wrong and see some truth in your answer.

We've all hear that writers have a "god complex." It's true.  Storytellers enjoy creating lives that they can play with like Olympian deities.  Characters let us present different viewpoints to the answers we seek.  Their interactions in an imaginary milieu allow the storyteller to get those answers he seeks.  Or if not the answers, then to get closer to the answers.

I want to be close to the answers.  In fact, I need to make sense of the world.  At times I feel that I'd probably loose my mind if I did attempt to make sense of it.  And I'm not proud to claim that my answers are the truth or even remotely resemble the truth.  But they are answers none the less.  The adventure to find those answers is not an easy one.  I've never expected the journey to be easy, or expect that it will ever get easy.  Part of what we storytellers do is research.  It's a requirement of the job.  I'm not speaking of research like browsing the Web.  Research can easily take that form, and it's often the starting point for us all here in the 21st century.  I'm not even speaking about simply reading some non-fiction books on a subject or question we have which continues to nag us.  Though research of this form is certainly enriching.  I'm talking about the deep exploration that we storytellers must do by examining our own lives, our individual experiences, our tragedies, our hopes, our desires, and discovering the answers within our beings.  The ugly, naked truths that are beneath years of calluses we've erected due to disappointments, heartbreak, or foolishness.  We've all done stupid things in our lives; actions or decisions we're not proud of.  It's typically not until many years later that we figure out why we actually did what we did in that situation.  For writers, the act of writing is how we get those answers.

The challenge is that many things cannot be accurately represented in words.  Feelings.  So there's the challenge.  We use words as a primary form of communication, yet it's difficult to express what we mean with words.  I know there are other forms of expression that serve the same purpose of granting us the channel to express the answers we seek: dance, music, art.  But, words, written and verbal, remain our primary form of expression.  It's the duty of writers to take these syntactic constructs and conjure works of art to marvel and amaze, to entertain and fundamentally provide us with the answers we seek.

This is what I aim to do.  And this is why I write.

Hey, you asked for the long answer!

Now go seek out your answers.

 

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

Storytelling is Eternal, Great Stories are Timeless

Storytelling is one of the oldest art forms. We can surmise that storytelling was an integral part of our standard repertoire when our primitive ancestors sketched their hunting exploits on the walls of caves. 

The storyteller, and storytelling, is a uniquely human affair. No other species on earth engages in this act. Tools don’t separate us from other species, for chimpanzees and crows are known to use them. Language is not unique to humanity either, for other primates are able to communicate with us through sign language. And, emotions are neither the signifying factor that makes us unique, for we can observe emotions in other animals. I’m not afraid to make the claim, with a hint of boldness, that storytelling is what makes us ‘human.’

Why Storytelling?

Storytelling and the storyteller are on a journey together. The journey is a simple one. At the outset, it will be difficult, and it has the opportunity to become easier over time, but that certainly I doubt. The obstacles encountered along the way are designated by the purpose of the journey. The storyteller is shackled with the singular burden of sharing the meaning of life with the populace. Why we are here? What is our purpose? Ultimately, these are the reasons we are drawn to stories. It’s a perpetual  quest for all of humanity, and that is why storytelling is an will be a function of humanity for all eternity. Or at least as long as humans will exist in the Universe.

The Storyteller’s Obligation

The obligation that we, storytellers, face is not merely to tell stories, but to tell great stories. It’s our duty to the rest of the humanity that we attempt to interpret the world, the universe, the multiverse through tales that will transcend the limits of time. We house the exploits of heroes, heroines and their great deeds in our imaginations. It is our obligation to transfer these stories into storytelling mediums: comics, dance, screenplays, madrigals, theater, slam poetry, and other forms of story.

Write, write, write, but write well. Never be satisfied with your work, always strive to improve your writing by engaging your subconscious on a daily basis. Harass it, stimulate it, but don’t let it weigh you down, for it is at that point we encounter expectations and self-consciousness, which then lead to writer’s block.

Commit to writing as if your life depended on it. For what our audience desires is quite simple: great stories.

Now, follow your muse and fulfill your obligation. 

Go write!

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

Why I Like Screenwriting

Many screenwriters have written about why they are attracted to the story form of the screenplay.

Now, it is my treat to bring you my thoughts on why I am attracted to this form of storytelling.

It’s the Architecture for a Film

It’s a blueprint. It’s the “architecture” for a film. Essentially, the screenplay is the framework that will support the creation of the film. Without the story, in the structure of a screenplay, there’d be no film. This is counter to the auteur theory, but it’s a simple fact. The screenwriter creates the foundation that a film is built upon; the screenplay, or to bring it to its essential form, the “story.”

It’s Collaborative

I previously noted that the screenplay is a blueprint. It’s not the final product that will be created. I’m used to working in a collaborative environment. My experience as a project manager in the IT world has granted me multiple opportunities to work in a collaborative environment with individuals and groups with varying backgrounds, stances and personalities. I’m comfortable with working in this milieu where concessions and negotiations are often required. It’s not easy to do, and I recognize that aspect of collaboration, but that is fine if the group is working toward the same goal.

It is Structure-focused

Architect Christopher Alexander created the idea of design patterns for building architects and designers in “A Pattern Language.” It’s a seminal book in architecture, and in film we have a similar structure to work with that starts with Aristotle and continues through the Monomyth of Joseph Campbell.

A well-known and proven “pattern” is established for screenplays. This is not to say that the pattern cannot be modified, it’s infinitely flexible. But it starts with a basic form that the writer must work within. And working within known constraints does not stifle creativity. On the contrary, constraints can be used by the screenwriter to stretch their creative muscle by forcing one to squeeze water from a rock. I see the constraints as a mechanism to focus creativity through a tightly-focused lens. Thereby allowing the screenwriter to get to the fundamental elements of the beat, scene, sequence, act, and finally the feature film.

It’s Succinct

I come from a journalism background. I was a member of my high school newspaper and went to a community college on a journalism scholarship. I primarily performed duties as a graphic designer, comics artist and photographer, but I my duties also required me to write news and feature stories. 

From journalist training I learned to write concise stories that effectively covered the five “W’s” and “H” at the heart of a story. I like concise writing. There’s a true mastery of the craft of writing when a writer is able to convey feelings, exposition and character development as succinctly as possible.

Don’t get me wrong. I do like sweeping prose and can appreciate novelistic forms that allow the writer to be unfettered with the strictures of grammar and style. William Faulkner comes to mind as an example of a great writer that was extremely capable of generating evocative prose within the constraints of English grammar rules. 

It’s the Kernel of a Film

Being a lover of film, no, an obsessed maniac for film, and also a creative personality, it goes without saying that I’d be attracted to the screenplay form.

I’m a visual thinker, extremely adept at visual communication in it’s many forms, especially, photography and visual arts.

Film is the unification of the visual arts with the element of time. It’s visual, yet has as many similarities with works of art that are influenced by time: dance, music.

Essentially, the screenplay is the “kernel” of the film. And, the screenplay is a series of descriptions that will be instantiated in a visual medium; a medium that also integrates the element of time.

Final Thoughts

These are the reasons I am attracted to the screenplay form. I also write in other forms, and they each have their purposes, but I like the challenge of working within the strictures of the screenplay. It’s a form of writing that gets little or not respect from the writing community. The virtues of screenplay writing have never been recognized, and that’s a simple fact.

Beyond all of the challenges that screenwriting entails, I’m still attracted to the form, the method, the structure and thoroughly excited by the film that is finally produced. 

There’s my answer. It probably wasn’t what you were expecting, or maybe I’m too self-centered, as most writers are, and it was exactly what you expected. Regardless of your reaction, it’s my answer and it matters to me.

Postscript

I’m particularly interested in reading Faulkner’s screenplays to compare their style with his novels and stories. Wouldn’t it be great if the Library of America published a volume of Faulkner’s complete screenplays as a sixth volume in their collection of Faulkner’s writings?

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

I'm an Alumnus of Robert McKee's Story Seminar

On July 19, 2009 I had the honor of becoming a graduate of Robert McKee's Story Seminiar. After three grueling days I am well-versed in the fundamental principles of story according to McKee. I'm fortunate to be able to attend the seminar; it helped that I have family that resides in San Francisco, the location of McKee's Seminar. My family made turned it into a vacation while I was locked into the Holiday Inn conference room with a sold out class of 200 students that spanned various creative careers and professions: screenwriters, playwrights, directors, producers, editors.

The experience was one I will not forget for McKee is truly remarkable. He's nearly 70 years old and has the stamina of Hercules. His days filled to the brim with his monologue. Don't pity us poor students, for we don't have to pace the stage, speaking brilliantly about the essential form of story for 11-hours each day. The agenda for the last day included a 6-hour screening and analysis of Casablanca, so he did have a downhill run toward the end since he was able to sit some of the time.

I prepared for the seminar by reading McKee's book and by reading the screenplay for Casablanca in preparation for the six-hour "autopsy." The seminar followed Story and so was familiar to me as I listened to McKee's lecture.

This was the last seminar in the 3-day format. His upcoming sessions spread the material across four days and increased the cost to US$645-745.

The best part was networking with fellow alumni. We had a late dinner at the conclusion of the event at Modern Thai; the food wasn't spectacular, but the conversation and camaraderie of fellow filmmakers was exciting and inspiring. Among our group are people from Japan, Australia and Canada, in addition to various cities across the United States. We’ve committed to stay in touch with one another, provide feedback on writing and share experiences. 

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

Film Review of "Times and Winds"

It doesn't matter what culture or society a person is reared in, childhood can be a brutal and horrifying experience for nearly all who mature to adulthood. Oftentimes, a child is faced with feelings of despair, cruelty and isolation under the authority of adults; a world filled with expectations and etiquette that children don't understand, try as they must in order to survive, in their attempts to understand the larger world in the process of "growing up."

The film "Times and Winds," by Turkish writer-director Reha Erdem, exquisitely captures the feelings of children in the vulnerable pre-teen years. The theme is universal. The tortured inner world of the child is faced with external forces from parents, teachers and the vast world of grown-ups. It's a beautiful story told with tenderness, woe and deep humanity. And it's not to be missed.

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous

My Battle with the Oxford English Dictionary

For nearly twenty years I’ve desired my own copy of the Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd edition. I finally bought a copy of it, on CD-ROM. I excitedly ordered version 4.0, the latest version, from an online retailer, and my excitement grew as I was notified that the order had shipped earlier this week. The twin entities of anticipation and excitement grew even greater when I arrived home from my day job yesterday and found the delivery had arrived.

I couldn’t wait to install it, but was patient and waited until this morning when, refreshed, I was ready to begin the installation procedure on my Windows laptop. 

I read the installation guide to confirm that my system met all the requirements as documented. I checked before placing the order, but this was an integrity check to verify that nothing had changed from the online requirements to the printed list in the manual.

The documented install process is as typical as any installation procedure: Put the CD-ROM media in the DVD/CD drive, let it autorun and click through the defaults. Only, for this CD-ROM, it was taking a long time to read the media. The drive was spinning and I could hear moments when the optical lens was reading the disc, but the only thing that was happening was the wait. I waited and waited. And then I continued to wait. We had a conversation. “Hi, Wait,” I said. “Why ‘hello’ Walter,” Wait replied and added with a sneer, “You’re going to have to wait.” I attempted to start up the Windows Task Manager with the three-finger salute, “Control-Alt-Delete,” but to no avail, the Task Manager was taking its merry time to appear on the screen. Wait had me in his grip as he snickered and winked with a sarcastic glance.

I told myself I can beat him at his game and waited patiently. There’s no need to get upset with technology, we’re practically married to it these days and though our modern tools can be frustrating at times when they don’t do what we expect of them, I reminded myself that the program and computer was simply doing what we have told it, or in this case “programmed” it, to do. It’s a dumb machine. The genius is in the programming that was executed by us, humans.

I was slightly agitated, but nearly twenty years of excitement still kept me cheerful, and besides, I wasn’t going to give up.

I performed four attempts to bring up a Windows Task Manager and they all merely resulted in four separate instances of the Windows Task Manager appearing in the Taskbar Tray to the lower right of the desktop. I couldn’t bring any of them up to allow me to view the processes and programs that were running. I felt I was being mocked. “This was ridiculous,” I thought, that the installation program could hose up the whole operating system. I restarted the computer with a hard reset by holding down the power button for a few seconds.

Back to square one.

The CD-ROM was inserted again, and anticipation was hard to contain as I continued to think back on nearly two decades of waiting for this moment. I once considered buying the Compact OED, the one with the magnifying glass, but knew it would keep me wanting with the manner of manual search required in that media. I desired the software version, but over the years had read that the GUI was clunky, and the primary strike against it was that it did not run on Mac, until this latest version. My twin companions, anticipation and excitement, were quickly dashed once again when I was faced with a repeat of the initial installation process I just fought with for the last 15 minutes!

Reboot. Don’t pass “Go,” don’t collect $213. (The price I paid for the application)

Third attempt.

Before inserting the CD-ROM in the drive, I brought up the Windows Task Manager and killed a bunch of iTunes processes, like iTunes Helper and iPod Service, that I never use and knew would not harm the system if they were no longer running around. And, who knows, perhaps they were causing some problems with the installation. You know, with the on-going strained relationship between Apple and Microsoft that’s existed since the two companies began competing during the prehistoric age of personal computing. Also known as the late 70s and early 80s.

I then re-inserted the CD-ROM and once again it took a long time to read the media, but alas, this time it did begin the installation. 

Hurray! My excitement was back in the game and was now standing on the bleachers cheering the team’s first home run of the season.

The install program did its thing and politely asked for the second disc, the “Data Disc,” that contains the remaining part of half a million English words, meticulously researched and cross-referenced in a history that began with the Philological Society of London and James A.H. Murray of Oxford University Press in 1857. I confess that my affection for the contents of the OED began around 1988 when I browsed through a twenty-volume print edition at the West Campus library of Pensacola Junior College while researching a paper on Martin Luther King Jr. and his adoption of Gandhi’s philosophy of αγάπη (agape).

No, I stated that incorrectly. It’s not been merely an affection, but more of a decades-long driving desire for the coveted material, akin to the maniacal pursuit of fuel in George Miller’s Mad Max film franchise.

Eventually, the contents of the “Data Disc” installed, and I was prompted to reboot Windows, to which I obliged.

The next step in the process, as stated in the manual, was to start the successfully installed OED application from the Start Menu. It clearly states that upon first running the application, it requires that the “Install Disc” be in the CD-ROM drive so that the installation program can perform the final step in the process, “Secure ROM” authentication. Fine by me, just let me get to the ultimate writer’s reference.

Windows restarted and I logged on. I was happy to see that an icon had installed itself on my desktop as a shortcut to start the OED application. Before clicking on this I inserted the first CD-ROM, the “Install Disc,” into the drive as instructed by the manual. I then checked the Start Menu in Windows Explorer to see if the program was put into the menu for “All Users.” This is important to me since I share my laptop with my spouse and we, of course, have separate accounts. Our accounts are “limited,” in terms of access rights and installation of software applications, and that’s the way I like it. A typical practice for me is to create an “Administrator” account on my computer systems that is used for system and application backups, adding users, and installing new software. Therefore, I was installing the OED with the “Administrator” account. I was surprised and disappointed that the OED program was no where to be found in the Start Menu for “All Users.” I scrolled up in the Windows Explorer window and found it under the Start Menu for “Administrator.” This means that only the “Adminstrator” account would be allowed to use the OED. Another strike, Oxford. Disappointment is building.

The problem, you see, is with licensing. Even though companies state that you are allowed to install the software on a single system, it’s not always completely true when you get down to brass tacks. As I mentioned, on my system I have three accounts: an Administrator with administrator privileges to install applications and perform essential system maintenance, and two user accounts with limited access privileges and no rights to install applications. That’s how I like to configure my computers. It goes back to the days I was a Unix Systems Administrator. You don’t use “root” as a standard user account. The user accounts, one for me and the other for my spouse, should be able to run any programs that the Administrator has installed on the system. At least in theory. Unfortunately, that ideal doesn’t always translate well into the real world where the rubber meets the road, or in this case where the bits and bytes meet the hard disk. The problem is that installing the OED with the Administrator account only allows the Administrator to access the program. This was apparent to me when I noticed in Windows Explorer that the OED was only available in the “Start Menu” for the “Administrator “account, and not in the “Start Menu” for “All Users.” I know this situation well and have encountered this beast and its spawn numerous times. Once with Movie Magic Screenwriter, and another time with DramaticaPro. To conquer the beast I have to log in as “Administrator” and under the User Accounts section of the Control Panel grant “administrator” privileges to my personal user account. I then log in with my personal account and install the software. Finally, I log in as “Administrator” and reset my personal account to be “limited” once again to ensure some security with the account accidentally performing an action that is harmful to the system and other accounts. Unfortunately, with this installation limitation the only account that is able to use the application is my personal user account. For the screenwriting applications, it’s not a big deal, as I’m the only one that uses them. But for something like the OED, it’s agonizing that only one account is able to access and use this wonderful resource. I’ll have to log in with “Walter, His Own Self” if my spouse wants to browse the OED. Why must it be this way?

Now, I’ve logged in as “Administrator” and granted administration rights to my “Walter, His Own Self” account, logged out and logged in with my newly entitled personal user account.

I’m going through the installation procedure again with my personal account and it’s the same story. Same rules. Same game. Disappointment, disappointment. Did I mention that disappointment arrived to kick anticipation and excitement’s asses?

At this point absurdity took over. I kept reminding myself, “it’s not the computer, it’s not the media, it’s not even Oxford University Press.” My next thought was, “It’s me!” Anticipation has left the bleachers and is on its way home in a rusted out 1970s Cadillac Coupe de Ville spewing clouds of carbon monoxide. And what of excitement? He’s been hit with a fistful of mud because it was two outs, two strikes and all the bases were loaded. We could have taken home the victory pennant with a home run hit into the stands, but our hopes were quickly dashed as the opposing team drove our boys into the ground with a stunning 9th inning upset.

This ordeal was suddenly turning into the quest for the Holy Grail of the English language, only I was not allowed to play the role of one of King Arthur Pendragon’s Knights of the Round Table. Hell, I’m not even permitted the honor of a 2nd-rate page who was allowed to sit at the Servants’ Termite-Eaten Oblong Bench. I’m the traveling bard who, through circumstances beyond my control, arrived at the banquet late, and during my performance I realized that the King’s audience wasn’t laughing at my act, but was laughing at me.

Where’s that Fisher King? I want to strangle his ass about now!

Reading reviews of the product, I’ve discovered that Mac users have not encountered absurd difficulties with the installation. I’m (primarily) a Mac, but do use a Windows laptop for writing so that I can take my writing desk anywhere. It’s also there for the 10% of the time when I must run some application that’s not available (yet) on the Mac.

So I’m installing the OED on our iMac. I’m sure I won’t have issues with the installation, or with multiple users accessing the application. It will be in the “Applications” folder and all any users must do is drag the application icon over to the Dock. Simplicity. Beauty. That’s what our tools should be like. There’s a reason the hammer has remained in the form it has for thousands of years. A hammer is a hammer, and it will always be a hammer.

Subsequently, it’s not me. These tools are simply behaving in the manner we had decided they behave in. It really shouldn’t surprise us when it appears they are doing otherwise.

Let’s see now, it’s time to read the OED’s installation requirements for a Mac. 

512MB of RAM. 

    Check!

1Gb free hard disk space.

    Check!

Minimum monitor capability: 1024 x 768.

    Check!

Local CD-ROM/DVD drive. 

    Check!

Intel Core Duo™ 2.13GHz or faster processor. 

    Check!

Mac OS X v10.4x or 10.5. 

    Check!

Oh wait, what did I just see?

I just upgraded to Mac OS X Snow Leopard. Snow Leopard is... Mac OS X Ten Dot Six.

Did I see that listed in the requirements?

No. 

By now my twins, anticipation and excitement, are no longer in the stands. They’ve been dragged beneath the bleachers by disappointment and he and a fan of the opposing team have beaten them to a pulp.

Well, I feel as if it’s always crap shoot with software installation. 

By the gods! I’m still the buffoon in the center of the King’s stage, taking a beating from technology!

Freelance writers have so few companions to support them!

Posted via email from walterhisownself's posterous